That’s what I’ve been. I have it on good authority that I should be checking this every day, at least every other. Sorry. I’ve been busy.

Let me tell you what I’ve been busiest doing. Getting clean, again. It may not be very perspicacious of me to admit this, seeing as how this is for public consumption and my family might stumble upon it. I was supposed to have quit meth last August on my birthday. Such is the nature of addiction. This time I’ve been promised I’ll no longer have a job if I don’t and that’s as good a reason as any I’ve ever heard to put it down.

You might have gathered from reading any of my blogs that I’m inclined to let the devil take the hindmost. Let is all fly. To not give a damn what anyone thinks. If you can’t read this and say “Good for you!” then who needs ya? If I ever get rich and famous, then, by all means, don’t buy any of my books. That’ll teach me.

All that being said, I’m going to include excerpts of my drugged-out diary from time to time. If you can relate say “Amen!”

May 26, 2019

They say go with what you know.

How many times have I tried to quit meth? I don’t remember. Lots. And watched friends try? More than that. At least I’m blessed with a firmer base than some have. There’s a good family behind me. I already am acquainted with a “higher power”, a God I routinely let go of that has refused to let go of me. I’m still employed and still hanging onto my humble abode. That goes back to the training and love of my family. My parents taught me how to do that.

On the other side of the scale are these shaky hands that have to keep going back to retype my typos. I lost my temper and act a total bitch. When at my weakest I fall back on the first drug I fell into: alcohol. A six pack of Modelo and a half gallon of homemade wine are in the fridge. The wine is no mere 7 or 11 percent, either.

I didn’t drink very much on meth. The old man said, “You’re in danger of becoming a bad alcoholic. Stick your arm out.” I did, and, guess what? No more problem! It’s not his fault, though. I was already an intravenous user.

Those first two bumps were nothing like I’d thought they would be. I’d heard about the rush and thought “Huh?” Third time’s the charm, right? It hit me and inside I heard a voice say This is my god. I’ve been fighting that voice ever since.

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