Let Me Explain

The line at the top of my page is part of a quiz called How Ladylike Are You? I feel I should warn you that I occasionally stray into the adults only realm. Though I’m not as crude as I once was I failed my own quiz miserably. The lower the score the less butter will melt in your mouth. How about you? Ready?

First, give your mama this quiz. If she scores over 10 points go ahead and award yourself 5 because the apple don’t fall far from the tree Sandra Dee.

1. Do you smoke?

a. Yuck, no 0 pts.

b. I used to 1 pt.

c. Like a train 2 pts.

2. Do you drink liquor?

a. Never! 0 pts.

b. On certain holidays 1 pt.

c. Maybe one eow 2 pts.

d. When do I not? 3 pts.

3. Can you fold fitted sheets?

a. No, I wad ’em up 3 pts.

b. You must not have a mama 0 pts.

4. Have you ever blown a snot rocket?

a. What’s that? 0 pts.

b. Yeah, but no one saw me 3 pts.

c. I showed my son how to 5 pts.

(If you wiped your nose on your sleeve afterward, 3 more points.

Shame on you!)

5. Ever been arrested?

a. Most certainly not 0 pts.

b. Hell, no! 1 pt.

c. Please don’t conduct a background check on me 5 pts.

6. The man you’ve dated for the past month invites you to his

house and puts on a porn movie. You:

a. Leave and never speak to him again 0 pts.

b. Tell him you’re uncomfortable with it 1 pt.

c. Ask if you can pick out the next one 5 pts.

d. Kneel and bob 10 pts.

Scoring: 0: Get outta here, Miss Perfect

1-11: Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee!

12-20: Just don’t tell your pastor

21-30: Liar. You’ve been arrested

30-40: Maybe you should check your math

41: Yeah, me too

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